I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart, hey!

Child-like faith has been on my mind a lot lately. As you can tell by my blog name, I don't like growing up and getting older. So the idea of child-like faith has always intrigued me. I was actually going to blog about it before I left for Germany, but I'm so glad I didn't! I got to experience it first hand at a church in Germany.

On my birthday, we went to a church that was like one I've never been to before. It was centered around the kids. The kids would sit in the middle of the floor and the adults would sit in a circle around them. The kids would even help with worship.

One of my friends on the trip said, "It's better to see adults worshipping like children than to see children worshipping like adults." I love that. It's soo true. In America, we expect kids to obey in church. We expect them to sit in the pews with their hands in their laps and sing all the words to the hymns. At this church, everyone worshipped like children. Heart abandoned.

Child-like faith trusts. It loves. It accepts you just the way you are.

What I loved most about this church was that they were one big family. They showed the most love I've ever experienced before. They got together to celebrate God first, and each other second. There were no politics, no agendas, just genuine love for each other.

I've noticed that since in Germany it isn't common or cool to be a Christian, church is so much different there. Some people in America just go to church to say that they did or to check that off their monthly checklist, but in Europe, everyone is genuinely excited to be at church. They all just want to worship their Savior. I want to take that back to the States with me. It's all about changing our attitudes about church. It's not just something we have to do. We're there to take some time out of our busy schedule to worship our Creator. Just think about that. We're going to spend time with the one who made us by hand and knows every freckle on our faces. Whenever I think about that, I get so much more excited about church. I get chill bumps.

This is a brochure from my new favorite church





Matthew 7:12 The Message <33

A deep, deep flood, an ocean flows from you, of deep, deep love, yeah it's filling up the room

A couple months ago, we had to write songs in Bible class. I've always wanted to be a song writer because its something artsy and I've always wanted to be artsy, but I never knew where to start. I guess this was a good time to start. I just found it on my computer. Wanna see it? I knew you would! ;)

You know all my flaws

Yet you never flee

You’ll always be there

Just for me

My heart aches

I’m broken inside

You wrap me up in your arms

And I can’t hide

You’ve poured down your grace

And I’ve caught it like rain

I soak it in

And it covers up the pain

You’ll never leave

You’ll never forsake

I know I can trust you

It won’t be a mistake

You hold my hand

You lead the way

I’ll trust in you

It’ll all be okay

Life isn’t easy

Life isn’t fair

You’re always faithful

And I feel safe in your care

I will trust in you

That is soo true of God's character. I love looking back on things that I've written to see how true it is even on the day I'm reading it. It was just what I needed today.

Psalm 34:18 the Message <3

All the single ladies, all the single ladies

What do you think of when you hear the word "single"? I think of Beyonce and chocolate.

Well today, I was looking through my new bright pink Message Bible and noticed in the Atopical Index that they had a section titled "Singleness". After doing a double take, I decided to take a look. I wasn't sure what to be prepared for. Break up advice? People who disobeyed God and ended up dying alone?

I didn't find either of the above. Instead, I found great men and women of God who ended up not marrying anyone and serving God with all they had. In our world today, we have this awful fear of never finding anyone to share our lives with. Girls have this incredible expectation to turn into a lady that will marry right after college, pop out a few kids, and stay at home baking cookies. Trust me, I'm not hating. At all. Because yes, I do want to marry. And I do want kids. And I want to own a bakery. But, that's just not for everyone.

1 Corinthians 7 is full of advice on this subject. My favorite verses in this chapter are verses 32-35. They say: I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.

Usually when people tell you that it's okay to be single and that there is no shame in it, you're usually thinking it's because they never got married and will most likely die alone. Just sayinnn. But after reading some more, and thinking and preparing for my mission trip, I realized it really is okay to be single. It's soo much easier to listen to the Lord and follow His instructions when you're not distracted by a really cute boy. I mean, boys are great, but they are uber distracting. Don't we want to be able to serve God with everything we have in us?

I'm not saying boys are bad or it's bad to get married. Trust me. But just think of how much work in God's Kingdom could get done while we wait for the perfect boy for us. The one God hand picked especially for us. Because, remember, that boy will come for you. And it is okay to be single in the meantime. ;)

This is not how it should be, this is not how it could be, but this is how it is, and our God is in control.

I am beyond excited. In 9 days, I am boarding a plane for a mission trip to Germany over Spring Break. I wrote out my testimony to share to the kids we'll be talking to, so I just thought I'd share it with you.

I had a pretty normal childhood. A mom. A dad. An older brother. Both sets of grandparents. A fish. Looking back on it, it was pretty perfect. I grew up in a Christian household. I asked Jesus into my heart in Kindergarten, but I didn't fully understand what it meant to be a Christian until 6th grade. I still remember that day perfectly. Our Dean of Students at the time had his HUGE wrestler friend come to chapel. He told us a story about one of his friends that died suddenly in the middle of the night. But, everyone that was associated with his friend knew that he was in Heaven after he died. At that moment, I realized I wanted to live my life so that if I was to die suddenly, everyone would know where I was spending eternity, no doubt about it. So, starting that day, I started my quest for perfection. Follow every rule, ace every test, never mess up because I didn't want everyone to think I was imperfect, so therefore, I wasn't a Christian. (Which is totally messed up by the way) And soon, my seemingly perfect world came tumbling down. Or maybe more like avalanching down.

In November 2009, me and my mom got a call that my dad was in the hospital. They weren't sure what was wrong, but they thought it might be a kidney stone. My mom has had at least seven kidney stones, so we didn't think it was that big of a deal. We get to the ER and get to see my dad and even start joking around. The doctors go to take some more tests to make sure it is a kidney stone, and they found out it was something much more serious. My dad had a heart condition when he was little where he had a stint put on his aorta. The stint unraveled and his aorta finally ruptured. Life or death situation. He was immediatley carted into surgery with the best doctor in Fort Worth. He had a 30% chance of living through the surgery. And miraculously, he did. The doctor told us that the first 78 hours were crucial. If he made it through those, he was in the clear. Miracle after miracle, my dad kept hanging on. 48 hours later, Sunday morning, November 8, 2009, my dad's kidneys failed causing a domino effect on his body. He passed away.

The next few months were a blur of tears and chocolate, but there is a few things I remember. I remember my dad's funeral very clearly. We had eight speakers who all said my dad was their best friend. That was the kind of guy my dad was. Every single one of them, even the ones who weren't Christians, said my dad had foundation like a rock. He had the most faith I've ever seen. There was something different about him. In other words, everyone knows where my dad is spending eternity. With Jesus.

Now, whenever something tragic happens, you either run to God or run from God. I did both. I decided to run to God because I knew there was no way I could get through that alone. And time after time, God came through for my family. When we thought we might have to sell our house and move into a smaller one,God provided us the money to pay off our house. He provided me with strength when I couldn't make myself get out of bed in the morning, and he supplied me with joy when I forgot how to smile.

Whenever everything started to go back to normal, I started to think I could handle everything by myself, so I started to turn from God. I started to get angry and hurt and depressed and I would always question God. I remember asking why he had to take my dad and not some dad that beats their child or some guy in prison. Why me? And I just got angrier and angrier  for months. I hated talking about God, I hated praying, I hated reading my bible, and I hated God for taking away my dad.

On the highschool retreat this past year, I totally had a God moment. Like a sobbing, hugging, laughing, then sobbing again God moment. I had been asking God to show me a sign that he hadn't deserted me. The speaker said if you hadn't felt God in awhile to come up to the front and start praying. So I did. About a minute later, my Bible teacher, Miss Whitbeck, comes up and starts praying for me. She prays everything I need to hear. Things I never told anyone. Things only God could have told her to say. And I just started bawling. And I don't cry in public.

So after that, I just totally felt renewed in my faith. And you know what I found out? If you run one step toward God, he'll run ten. If you make time for him, he will show you so many things! And those "Why me?" questions have turned into "Why not me?" And those rules I've been trying so hard not to break, turned into ways of helping me grow, instead of ways of bringing me down. God will never leave you or forsake you. He'll never disappoint you. He'll never give up on you. And I'm a living, breathing, example of that promise.

John 16:22
Romans 12:9-20 The Message
Psalm 119: 153-156 The Message
<33

I want to be seen with a fresh pair of eyes.

I do my best writing at ungodly hours of the morning. I'm not sure why that is. It might be because I have nothing else to do except think. My mind almost always goes wild once normal people start to fall asleep. One thing I've been thinking about lately is how others think about me. Not whether they like me or if I'm popular, but have I been a good example of Christ. I just came back from the Texas Youth and Government State Conference this past weekend. When you're there, you meet all kinds of people. And honestly, you are always judging. Honestly, people are constantly judging. Not just at a new place while meeting new people. But while you are at yag, you're always sizing people up to see if they will be a threat to you during your court case, or if they will crush your bill, or even if they can dance better than you. But while I was assessing the teenagers around me, I realized, I was being judged too. And were the people judging me noticing there was something different about me or did I seem just like all of the other kids there?

My friend and I met a kid at the talent show the second night we were at youth and government. We talked to him that whole night and even saw him the next night, also. Later, we found out he was Muslim. I then realized, I didn't think I was being a good Christian influence to a kid who probably thinks of Christians as hypocritical people who don't practice what they believe. Because honestly, lots of Christians are just that. I mean, I wasn't downing the alcohol and trying to sell him drugs, but I also wasn't being the best I could be.

One of the easiest ways to witness to others is just to live to where you have God's light shining through you. By living as we should, non-christians can see we can not only talk the talk, but we can walk the walk. One time, Gandhi said, "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." Just think about how many people we could turn over to Christ just by acting like him! Starting tonight, or actually this morning, okay, starting right now, my prayer every day is going to be to be an imitator of Christ. I can't wait to see if people can see a change in me.

Romans 14:22-23 The Message <3

2 AM and she calls me because I'm still awake, "Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?"

I have too much time to think. Especially when I stay up until 1:22 AM listening to my Shane and Shane Pandora station and googling lyrics about any adjective that comes to mind so I might find a song that relates to my mood. So to get things off of my mind. I'm going to make a list. I mean, what else is there to do at 1:28 in the morning?

• I really love weird music. Like really. I just discovered Tegan and Sara. I would highhlllyyy recommend them.
• I wish I owned a plane, or a jet pack, or a pair of wings, so I could just fly away to Delaware and bake cupcakes all day
• Life can be scary. Not necessarily "dog-eat-dog" scary, but like, why-am-I-here scary. I mean, I know I'm not on earth to facebook stalk and pet my dog all day. Still figuring that one out.
• I want some popcorn. And m&ms. And Dublin Dr. Pepper. But what else is new?
• Boys can be dumb, very, very dumb.
• When I'm old, I want to be a regular at Grandys. They're going to know my order by heart.
• Why are dogs so smart?
• Pretzel m&ms are DELICIOUS
• Googling yourself is creeeeeepyy
• I'm tired of thinking deep thoughts. They make my brain hurt. Can I just run away from them for a week?
• I really want some animal crackers.
• OR to go to the zoo! Even better! REAL animals!
• I don't really have an attention span right now.
• Auto-correct on my phone has made me so lazy. I just always assume someone is going to fix all of my mistakes.
• I love to tweet.
• I can't wait to Pretty Little Liars to come back on
• its 2:34 and I'm wiidee awake, but I don't know what I'm saying.
• I don't know if any of this made sense, but I think it's about time for me to stop typing. BYEE

Well it kind of hurt when the kind of words you write kind of turn themselves into knives.

Words. They've been a big deal to me lately. They're everywhere. Some good, some bad, some ugly. Everywhere I turn I'm surrounded in a sea of them. They go anywhere from compliments, to sarcasm, to jokes to plain lies. I think my generation don't think about words as much as we should. You never know when your words can make or break a person. The little flaw that you always joke about with someone could actually be their biggest insecurity. A few years ago, I found out one of my friends was suicidal. We actually weren't even that close, but he chose me to confide in. Every weekend I had to convince him not to run away. Every weekend I had to convince him that there was something to live for. Every since then, I've had the biggest fear that one of my words could send someone over the edge. People aren't always how they seem. I just want to encourage you to think about your words. Try to use more encouraging words than hurtful words. Let the mean thought, no matter how many laughs you could get from it, pass through your mind without going through your lips. Love uncontrollably.

Psalm 19:14
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.