They say she's got her daddy's eyes, she hides 'em well behind her momma's smile.

My friend Shelby always says she likes when I write from the heart. So here I go. I'm putting a sad song on repeat and seeing what comes out.

The song I'm playing is called Daddy's Eyes by Jake Coco. It never fails to make me sad and inspired. hehe

It's one of the few songs that actually reminds me of my dad. Lots of time, I try to block him out because it's too painful to think of him, but this song always brings back all of the sensory details I usually forget. It's like I can feel how scratchy his neck would get when he hadn't shaved in a few days, and how I used to rub his head when he needed a haircut and it would feel like carpet. I can feel him giving me a huge "bear hug" as he used to call it. My face would always rub against his neck when he did that and then I would wiggle out of his arms because I couldn't breathe. I can still feel him scratching my back even though his nails weren't as long as mommys and singing the same song he sang me every night for as long as I can remember. One summer when I went to camp we sang the same song and it made me miss him sooo much. I'm still afraid of hearing that song today. We still have all these inspirational signs up in our computer room that my dad used to post to keep himself motivated. I loved when he did that. He was waayyy too ADD to stick with them, so it became a huge family joke in my house. Sometimes I'll still have that same dream I had every night for about a month after my dad died. It's like a montage of events from that awful week. The call we got. All my friends at the hospital. Watching them try to resuscitate him through the window before someone pulled me away. My family huddled together crying in the hospital hallway. Trying to be strong. Two friends bawling in front of the casket at the viewing. Then, I would usually wake up. But it was always like I was another person watching myself. It was weird. It was awful. I'm just ready for it to go away. I hear you never get over death, you just learn to deal with it. I guess writing is one way for me to deal with it. My dad was an amazing writer. Maybe that's one reason I love it so much. It always feels like I'm kinda writing him a letter. Well, this one's for you daddy. Love you.

John 16:22 <3